i can not live without you love no more~

hiiii! 

blah blah blah inactivity. i have exams ok...cut me some slack!

that and also i finished another amv ^^~~~lol

honestly, im soooooo obsessed with this song. im not too well versed in suju nowadays but god i love love love f(x) and ive been listening to them more lately (i really love milk and glitter...). this is probably one of my favorites when it comes to sulli's vocals, at least in a song that isn't an f(x) or solo song but her vocals overall, regardless of whether it's a solo or not, are just really really beautiful. and then there's heechul like THINK ABOUT ME AS A SHOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 like Okay man

ughhh...ive been studying more and yet...i dont know what to expect...ive had such bad luck with physics, all the papers have been so bad...chem was fine, im not even gonna bring up math...it was a whole other level of bad...

i think, maybe, if i shut up and study, everything will be ok...good night!

i made a picmix account today too lol~~~its ohkinbakupick if u want it for whatever reason

~Cat

cookin something up.....in the kitchen...the windows movie maker kitchen

helloooooo!

it is currently.....

..........1 am

i wanna go to bed but im blogging instead. typical...

i have an exam tomorrow. i hope the questions arent stupid. i need a good mark I CANT FUCK THIS UP! logging onto here i saw a comment from a friend who just left the internet and i dont think we left on good terms so i miss her...man

that and also...i'm working on somethinggggg 

good night ^~^

~Cat

i got 2ne1 big brothers BLEEEEHH to me u aint big brother

hiiiiii ^o^ ive been studying so i realized complaining doesnt matter. how lifechanging

hope ure all well. i have come with....a video

enjoy

this is my first AMV...

little known fact, i love love LOVE 2NE1. theyre my favorite kpop girl group and i ESPECIALLY love bom. her presence just feels so calming and that shows in a lot of her solo concerts...

god windows movie maker sucks with timing. i add a transition and all of a sudden it just doesnt wanna be on-time anymore? fuck this!

besides this...ive mostly just been studying. but while editing this i realized god kenji darvish was sooooooo hot in 2012 especially in the all-stars dvd. his electrolyte blue eyes. the middle part. god i love him...did you guys know apparently kenji donated 50 million yen to his hometown during covid? i didnt. thats really humble of him. i love that freak...♡

a screenshot from when i was making the AMV <3

and hey, since when did i get so crass on here? i told myself not to curse too much in case someone would find this blog and have a very...i-dont-know-who-this-chick is impression of me and now the first thing theyd know that im kenji-crazy and i say bad words so now i can not be married off...what now? maybe this is the essence of being a girl...having a digital footprint so deep it kind of melts the asphalt underneath your feet. i hope i am not just a mentally ill ketsugya to you but rather a friend. and if not a friend, then just...like...a mentally stable ketsugya

nice talk! stay safe! love you!

does anyone else see what i see in him?

~Cat

*loud groan noise*

hellooooo nonexistent blogspot audience how are we

good?

no?

...ok sure

ive been feeling like SHIT!!!!!!!!!!! which is why i figured id channel all my vitriol and rage into a blog post

i dont feel happy, like at all o-o my first exam is in a week and its for a subject im retaking for the third time. i shouldnt have to be in this situation. i worked my ass off the second time. why am i here a third time? this all feels redundant. i dont want to be here. i have other things to focus on. to be fair, retaking it this year was my idea...so i think im to blame >_> ugh

i feel like im only alive to see how everything will turn out. it all sucks now, but if its bad now, does that mean itll be good later? the answer's a bit of a mix; yes and no. it can get better but ive thought of things the same way and they have not gotten any better at all lol maybe i need a different approach

i wish everything could go in my favor but thats a selfish wish. i wish i could, at the very least, have internet friends that want me around in their bigger groups of friends. i feel like in terms of real-life friends, it's slowly getting better and i'm sure of it so no complaints there m(_ _)m i just WISH...i wish i wish i wish

i want my words to be taken seriously but ive joked too much to the point where no one thinks im ever serious. i want to have friends that love me, not *like me*, love me, but i isolate myself on purpose for my own sake to no avail. i dont want to retake this subject for the third time but i came up with the idea to do so since the syllabus is changing for the worse next year. notice the pattern? T_T it all ties back to me...what am i to do?

i think all i need is a cigarette and another buyee haul 

i feel like maybe i need to get to the source of all these feelings , at least the ones that tie to people, and talk it out. truth is, i dont like most friend groups because i feel like i get along better with the people in them separately as compared to...in a group T_T all i can think is, what the hell did i do? i know that i mustve made one weird joke too much like 4 years ago because there is no way my social life could be any more mediocre than it is now. fuck this! (excuse my vulgarity)

its weird. i can be all angry over this; feeling like i have nothing when thats not the case, feeling all these strong emotions towards people, and the next day, ill just move on. thats the reality of it all. i can cry and sob over people but ill have to move on. regardless of it all, i choose not to stay stagnant because staying stagnant will ruin my life. in a few years, golden bomber will have disbanded because theyve gotten too old to run around on stage naked, ill probably get better and look back at this and either a) regret it or b) smile, ill have my dream job and a sexy rich husband and then ill be okay

good night 

~Cat

(♡ˊ艸ˋ)

AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH NEW KENJI DARVISH SOLO SONG AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH AAAHHHH 

this was a draft ive had since september 13th. i published it on accident. i could add more but its really, really funny as-is

No More Left Over Stubble

 ;_;

haha...

hows everyone been?

lately, ive been thinking about a lot of stuff, but as of...like, right now, im thinking about the past. late 2023, looking at golden bomber merch all the time, listening to velvet spider, tommy heavenly6 i kill my heart, et cetera. i have even more exams; the studying period is nearing its end and i feel like nothing of value has been done. at least not for physics and math (which was a last minute decision out of sheer desperation in which i had nearly no say) but i wonder, can i really change my situation? i still have chances, so i need to take them. i keep getting sad over a lot of things currently happening; my friend groups, my PCOS, my looks, etc. but i can not keep dragging myself down. i know that. itll only stagnate me when im supposed to be going forward...

thats about it. titles a sorinatsu reference since summers over. its starting to rain again here, lol. i want it to rain again, but last time, it got really bad...i just miss the sound of thunder

just wanted to write something to keep everyone updated. ill talk more once exams finish or something. toodles!

cheki holder deco...! i am arts crafts girl #1 mhm

hello!

god

been a while huh

;-;...

(tumbleweed rolls by)

recently ive been finding my blood sugar getting lower and physics only getting harder. all i can say is...i just have my reasons! m(_ _)m 

anywayssss...i have something exciting to announce o___o

I MADE A YOUTUBE CHANNEL IN CONJUCTION WITH THIS BLOG!!!!!! FOR VIDEO BLOGS!!!! YAY!!!!!!!

got too excited...lol

ta-daaaa! my first video! ^u^

last night at 2 am i decided to decorate a cheki holder...and i chose to record it! i hope you guys enjoy the video...it may say comments are off and i have no idea how to fix that. regardless, i cant wait to upload more T_T

some details...

i personally love my choice of rhinestones. hehe

anddd the full thing!

i am really really excited to upload more videos. o_o tbf some posts will still be of the more personal-nothingburger archetype but why not try something new?

goodnight!!!

~Cat