What a week it has been ^3^

I nearly died earlier this week (like a few days ago...)! My muscles started to hurt incredibly bad, but specifically my arms and legs. I dont know why, but i instantly started to cry, and i cried so much that my nose was full of snot and i genuinely could not breathe. I took a few painkillers, then i woke up and it was all gone!

I guess if theres one thing i can learn, its that pain is never permanent. Ever! I try my best to tell myself this. I can get as angry or tense as i want, but in as little as a few minutes, or as much as a few hours, it all just disappears and things are okay. It's really weird but it's good for keeping my feelings at bay. #MeaningfulLifeLessons #Important 

That and also for whatever reason seeing the new kyusaku/shinsaku goods just brought my mood down a tiny bit when i thought about it too deep. I dont think i can imagine next year passing without me seeing golden bomber live...but at the same time ill be too busy with reality to the point where i also cant imagine myself...GOING...lol (im in so much pain...)

Anyways! Tomorrow's Friday so no fasting. Yay! I'm gonna have a nice breakfast hopefully. And then finally go to that accessory store. PLEASE GOD LET ME GO TO THAT ACCESSORIES STORE. I have to! I must! Ive been wanting to go for literally months! 

I took my mandatory mid-blog break of unspecified time and i saw a picture of (can you guess) Kenji shirtless in a hotel room bed and is it ok that my entire body just started getting really really warm? Like abnormally warm? I feel like this is a new level of delusional for me. The only thing supposed to be making my body this warm should be like...a bad fever or something i dont knowwwwwww

Above: Real image of me thinking about all the perverse Kenji Darvish images ive seen over the years

I've been looping songs. I always loop songs. But this week's song is interesting even to me

I'm no stranger to Mounir's music...before Perfume and Golden Bomber he was all i listened to (because my parents would blast his music in the car all the time). I feel like he has better songs than this one, but it isnt bad by any means. It's catchy! But it feels like one of his more experimental songs. I dont know. All this man's fans are like three times my age ill just stick to my shallow GB songs or something. It's one of those songs id recommend only if youve listened to more of his songs...u get me?

It's 3 am...shit...

Uhm, bye!

~Cat

Torso pains...need to online shop...

 

Ahh...It's like 1 am and ive been browsing blogs for most of the day. I wanna delve in the delusion of like...being 2012 and daruupa still having some sense of genuineness to it (all those blog posts of them drinking together...) but sadly real life is A BITCH so i have priorities and theyre really just...a-level biology and i really hope things go well i dont have much to say =.=

I'm kind of excited for next month...i'm going on yet another winter trip and i have PLANS. My biggest one (besides buying chunky 100 l.e silver jewelry) is to meet up with a friend of mine and give her my dupe Kenji can badges. There are still like two or three im keeping for me (sorry!) but i'm giving her like 6 or so. Yay!

Right now im switching between songs but i shuffled and it landed onto THE ZOMBIE SONG...i wanna make a daruupa animation to it someday...zombie gamer jun and shin nisa kenji (dreamy sigh) ok ive said too much

Also, ouch my stomach hurts my body hurts! I didnt even exercise much today and my stomach hurts like hell! Is it calories burning or organs shutting down...who knows. Ive had to close this laptop for a good like twenty minutes until the pain would calm down my torso generally still hurts but its whatevs if its still in agonizing pain by tomorrow ill consider uhmmmmm DEATH! Kidding im just kidding. I shouldnt joke about such a serious thing

Tomorrow i take a break from fasting. Yaaaay...this weekend i can finally go to the accessories store ive been wanting to go to for the past few months. My mom told me i could go a while ago on the condition i dont buy anything but i declined because...im not gonna torture myself like that. Shes still sanctioning merch from japan...le sigh. Sometimes i wish i could take a really long nap and wake up to things magically fixing themselves up while im in a floral dress with roses and pearls and my hair and makeup done for me but thats just wishful thinking. Things just feel kind of bleak. Looking at the sunlight in my room doesnt make me as happy.

I'm kind of grateful of how im finally making more internet friends...hopefully i can make more irl ones? lol

Regardless of it all...I have to lock in as they say. I also HAVE TO BUY GOLDEN BOMBER DVDS NOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW OR ELSEEEEEE PLEASE MOM HAVE MERCY ON ME LET ME BUY YAREBADEKIRU KO AND ISSHO BAKA FEAT. KENJIIIII sorry bout dat...Im desperate

I kinda want all of this to end...

~Cat

Surely

God i feel like the hardest part of making a blog post besides actually making the post is naming it...i apparently already had a draft from the 8th of this month and it was called Surely because thats the song i was listening to while naming it LOL. That's a lie now though because i'm listening to Melo Melo Bakkyun by Sho Kiryuin which is a meaningful lesson that sadness is stupid and temporary and sometimes the best course of action is to MAN UP and LISTEN TO J-POP SUNG BY A MAN INSTEAD

See? I'm fine now...(sniff)

Anyways! Since it's winter, it's officially make-up-your-ramadan-fast-you-lazy-slob season...so thats what ive been doing '-' duh. This ramadan was when i got my pcos diagnosis so my period was unusually long. I have to make up 15 days of fasting. And during ramadan itself i had to fast while on my period since i already overstepped the limit (i had no idea a limit of 15 days existed but apparently there is a limit!)

Today, I rewatched Issho Baka. Again. For the third fucking time. God im pathetic...but specifically, i was rewatching the January 21st performance at Osaka-jo Hall. Isn't it crazy it has a slightly bigger capacity than Nippon Budokan?! As in, it seats 16k people while Budokan seats 14k. And yet it feels like Budokan is THE venue. Whaaaat...maybe i'm missing something o_o lol (maybe it's just something location related?)

"Thank you so much for purifying me! I'm so happy t-"
"Fuck me right here. Right now. In front of Osa Red and Osa Blue. They won't care. I won't care either..."

I like the 1/21 performance. It's fun and i like the little switch-up after the 4th stageplay (the infamous suppin Kenji one!!!). Instead of performing Shiawase no Uta like they usually do, they performed Ashita no Sho instead. Weird change but i get it. I guess. Looking at the 1/15 setlist again, they also performed Ashita no Sho. My bad...Kyan's cardboard saxophone solo was funny though. Why'd he stare out so erotically into the crowd at the end...

I think 1/14 is good as a kind of like...cult initiation of sorts for anyone who wants to know what the average Big Venue Golden Bomber Live is like. It's like required watching! 1/15 isn't bad either, but it lacks CAMERA SHOTS OF KENJI DRUMMING BEFORE HE PUTS HIS MAKEUP BACK ON. 1/21 also has this issue. It's really annoying. 1/14 wins in the aspect of drum shots while he's still makeupless...so...yay?

In terms of how the stageplay's done, I'd say it's nice in all of them, but 1/15 has Kenji doing this dramatic jump in the last one. Konnichiwa Kodoku is some kind of anomaly song to me because it never got a studio recording until 2019...can you imagine...it's been rotting for 7 whole years...

I also remember a friend told me that apparently Konnichiwa Kodoku was written by Sho back in 2008 when Dankichi was still around. Sho said that in his autobiography that i've never read...or seen scans of...or touched. So make that...11 whole years! Just ROTTING! No studio recording! NOTHING!

I'm running out of thoughts. I remembered SUWAMASARU all of a sudden and now i miss them. I miss my wife tails

Bye!

~Cat

First snot of the month...

Two days ago, I woke up with some throat pain. I thought just brushing my teeth would make it go away because it wasnt like...unusual for my throat to hurt before brushing my teeth in the morning. 

Today, my throat pain is like....reallyyyy bad. It's affected my speaking. fuck!!!!!!!!!

I'm just toughing it out at this point...i also finished my course of period meds. Two pills a day for three days. I have not gotten my period yet and so as a result it's late. A tale as old as time. I try not to talk about my PCOS too much on here but sometimes its just sooooooooooo hard for me like soooo hard (Lying). I'm trying to drop some weight mostly for my own sake but i havent gotten to do that much exercise because of me being so sick...I also havent gotten to make that ketsuba post (sorry)

I will admit, the only good thing to come out of this is that i finally worked a bit on my secret Narcisse Kenji x Junko fanfic that i started a few months back. Reading my own writing in any way makes me cringe and want to die so i just write like 2k words and then the txt file rots on my laptop for months on end forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and...there's still some stuff i need to fix. Namely the Yutako x Shoya in it. I forget that Yutako's married to her producer. Well maybeeeee it can be like canon divergent? But that's stupid. Maybe it just needs to go...its like one scene of them making out in a tour bus. Im spoiling this because its really not important

I've still been feeling this kind of weird discouragement for no reason but i dont think its anything major...its just unneeded -.- i think ill be fine LOL. But the truth is, i just feel so strangely...stagnant...and yet im moving so fast at the same time...

I need to write longer posts again...

Bye!

~Cat