Just imagine you're giving Gerard Way the injection

My injections midterm went by really fast. 
Like, I thought I had to actually put the medicine into the syringe, change the needle, all that...but it was all just asked about. All i had to actually demonstrate was me putting the needle in. And i was doing an intramuscular injection, so it was...fairly easy. But i kinda forgot about the Z-track method. Oops...
Before the exam started, I was with my friend and she was fairly nervous. I asked her who her favorite "emo band dude" was and she said Gerard Way. I told her in response, "Then imagine you're giving Gerard Way the injection!" and she cheered up. 
After that i had two lab sessions. I kiiiinda slept through one...
My lab coat was on all day...

I've been really into drawing ecchi lately. I could say softcore porn but ecchi is less letters to type. Softcore porn (sad face) Softcore porn, Japan (happy face)
I don't know why this is. I really don't. But as I ease myself back into art, I find myself wanting to draw more of it...
I'm not going in depth on that here (looks around) but i also attribute it to me looking at GB doujins on mandarake and half of them being R18 kyankiri ones. Im not even into kyankiri. Id rather ship Sho with the 1000000x more famous than him (<- tasteless) guy nearly ten years older than him, anyways. But...the artstyles for some of them are just so charming to me. It inspires me to make more GB fanart of my own that no one will enjoy. It fills me with...DETERMINATION (bergentruckung starts playing)
Hey, speaking of, why did people stop making GB doujins after like 2017 anyways? I guess i could attribute it to the Puttsun Terebi thing, but even then, didnt they say doujins were ok? Even BL ones????? Tsk

Honestly, I find myself feeling not-that-nervous for anything exam related. Everything is just met with apathy. Not really apathy...just the feeling of not caring and wanting to succeed so no one makes fun of me or feels like they got something about me right. I just wanna pass and get it over with (lol) is that a bad thing????? I think it's a bad thing...

It's like, 2 AM. I should really be asleep but tomorrow's an off-day, so I don't really care. My mom wants me to wake up early (which i...hopefully will) but I'm a bad girl now. So I won't set an alarm. I'll wake up whenever. But hopefully before 11 AM. Haha...

I've been thinking a lot about how I think about art, too. It feels like there's a feeling; a lingering feeling that no one, quite literally no one, will want to see my art. It hurts. If no one wants it, then why should I keep making it? I'll just humiliate myself in the end. And it's not like I'm right, either. People do love what I draw. People have said my artstyle is nostalgic and cute. People have said nice things and theyve said them genuinely. I just siphon it out of me; I love everything I hear and truly take all the kindness to heart, but in a while, it all kind of goes blank. It feels like this is some cruel way of thinking that exists in my brain to my dismay. I wish i could just be kinder...(lol)
...and then i realize im thinking this over golden bomber ecchi and it hits me that its not like i feel this way over art that'll actually change the world for the better, so why do it for anyone's sake but mine. But, who knows. Maybe ten years from now there'll be another kinbakugya that'll like the art that i hated so much, intricately copying the details she finds cute and wishing I'd still upload art...maybe that's why i need to keep going? (lol)

...It's actually 3 AM.

Eheh...good night???????????????????????

I guess I'll be generous and share this.

~Cat