(Listening to Lost Angels gackt and kirisho duet) God just make it stop

It's a really weird time, isn't it?
Midterms are ever-so close; my first one is literally next Wednesday...i have to do one of three injection types, very basic ones, but i need to figure out how to actually get the medicine in the syringe and get used to things i may forget (aspiration...)
I've been alone most of the week. It feels kinda nice being so alone, but I can't keep being alone for too long, can I? (lol) I like being alone, though. Makes up for all the time i spend with others and i can walk around the house without worrying if anyone'll see me~ lol

So far, medical school is...fine? Some modules suck, others not so much. I study the lecture notes and hope for the best. I hate anatomy and professional medical development a lot. PMD isn't hard, and if anything some of its common sense. Like duh im gonna go to jail if i cut my foot off to skip performing a surgery on someone...it's just that i always mess it up. And it's supposed to be an easy module. WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME SUCK AT IT IF IT'S SO EASY?????????????
I think the best course of action is to find what I suck at and force myself brutally and evilly to suck at it less. This means depriving myself of any stimuli until i memorize every axial joint and what degrees of movement each one allows

Ok can i...switch the topic? (lol)
I recently suffered a pretty bad period that was pill-induced, then a fever. I'll spare you the details (especially the period. It's pretty bad lol) but as I got sick, I started writing a...Gackt x Sho fanfic? So far, only two people have seen this fanfic. It was a first for a lot of things (namely smut), so it was definitely a nice step out of my comfort zone www when I showed it to Ari, she liked it despite not really being into Gakukiri (which i consider a win TBH. The...her liking it part, i mean ^^") AND she proposed we do a daruupa trade where she drew me Jun and Kenji, and I wrote her a Jun and Kenji fic. So far, I started it, and...that's about it (lol) but i hope to finish it before my midterms finish~~~ she already finished her part of the trade!!! It was really really cute and seeing it made my day so I'm hoping my fic lives up to how good her part was T_T I want reading it to be nice...I planned on making it bittersweet as per her request, but so far idk if it'll go in the bittersweet direction. Or maybe it will, actually, now that im thinking about it! (lol)
I honestly dont even know why I've started to like Gakukiri so much. I get scared interacting with content of him considering ~4 gackt fans give or take probably still remember my tasteless (but also kinda funny) tweet from a year ago and (probably rightfully so) hold a grudge against me for it. I like Gackt when he's kind to Sho. How far can his "kindness" towards him go? That thought strikes me as reallyyyyy hot.
(ahem)
This whole trade also made me think, wow, am i really the kind of person who deserves cute art from her friends? That's surprising...if i am. I feel like i can never do anything. I can barely draw, barely write, barely even blog, all i do is just hope i can get somewhere in life. So the thought of me getting something so nice strikes me as impossible sometimes and totally possible some other times. In the end, I feel thankful. I hope i can keep doing things that make me really deserve getting nice things from other people I cherish, both online and irl.

Has anything else of note happened...? Well, i met these two girls at uni. Apparently my cousin knows them, one of them went crazy when i mentioned her!!!! She seems very kind though, she liked my insta when i showed it to her and called it her "stimboard"...they're both really nice girls. I hope i can see them more often. <3 
I've been listening to WITHOUT YOU by Delaction feat. Chika a lot. It's my favorite Hime Trance song now.
If you actually read this...tell me what your favorite Hime Trance song is!

I want to live up to all the nice things people say about me. I really do. 
I'll work on the fic i owe ari then maybe go to bed...lol

Good night!

~Cat