First snot of the month...

Two days ago, I woke up with some throat pain. I thought just brushing my teeth would make it go away because it wasnt like...unusual for my throat to hurt before brushing my teeth in the morning. 

Today, my throat pain is like....reallyyyy bad. It's affected my speaking. fuck!!!!!!!!!

I'm just toughing it out at this point...i also finished my course of period meds. Two pills a day for three days. I have not gotten my period yet and so as a result it's late. A tale as old as time. I try not to talk about my PCOS too much on here but sometimes its just sooooooooooo hard for me like soooo hard (Lying). I'm trying to drop some weight mostly for my own sake but i havent gotten to do that much exercise because of me being so sick...I also havent gotten to make that ketsuba post (sorry)

I will admit, the only good thing to come out of this is that i finally worked a bit on my secret Narcisse Kenji x Junko fanfic that i started a few months back. Reading my own writing in any way makes me cringe and want to die so i just write like 2k words and then the txt file rots on my laptop for months on end forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and...there's still some stuff i need to fix. Namely the Yutako x Shoya in it. I forget that Yutako's married to her producer. Well maybeeeee it can be like canon divergent? But that's stupid. Maybe it just needs to go...its like one scene of them making out in a tour bus. Im spoiling this because its really not important

I've still been feeling this kind of weird discouragement for no reason but i dont think its anything major...its just unneeded -.- i think ill be fine LOL. But the truth is, i just feel so strangely...stagnant...and yet im moving so fast at the same time...

I need to write longer posts again...

Bye!

~Cat

Darvish of the world, thank you for being born

It's still the 27th here. But the time in Japan is a good 6 hours ahead so over there it's like 2 am and here its 8 pm (well...a bit past midnight now that i'm editing this. So it's 6 am in japan)....so i think an early birthday post is best, lol...i drew something and i think ill make a dedicated post for it tomorrow

Tomorrow's the actual Kenji Day though...that day, i plan on maybe getting some shakshouka for breakfast. That's it. Im walking to the place that sells really really good shakshouka and buying two bowls of them and eating them.

If i'll go out later, i'll take my itabag with me. I dont know if i mentioned it, but my mom never lets me take it out with the can badges. That and the paint on the keychain from the 2011 zepp tour is peeling off slightly. Hmph...i should get some metal glue for it. It pisses me off a bit though! I spent like three hours working on it...it's an ITA bag. Its supposed to be cringe! But i guess i get her point (sob sob)

This is the itabag in question. The base bag is a SWIMMER itabag and it's ADORABLE. That and it's probably an original one. Probably...I posted it on reddit and it got like 12 upvotes. It's one of the first things that shows up if you search up swimmer itabag. Creepy

Ive been seeing a lot of fanart for Kenji's birthday. I finished my own fanart on call with another kinbakugya friend. My friend's mom was next to her and I was in total agony (like...i did NOT like the drawing i made so id keep groaning lol) but i had to tone down the bitching somehow because it'd be rude. Said friend's mom also just knows me as "the ketsugya from Egypt" lol...my legacy. I think it's really sweet :,) Ahh...I need to meet her someday

Anyways there isnt too much on my mind. I had a nice day today. And a weird dream where the badges in my itabag kept changing. One changed to a neon yellow-green with pink text that said Kenji Darvish 20th Anniversary. And another changed to a Kirisho one of him in the yowasete mojito outfit. And another changed to the nutella logo. And then i got sucked by a black hole and spaghettified

I think tomorrow ill try making a serious b-day post...i still love Kenji despite it all. Obviously

I had dinner and it ended up below average. It was a few veggies but its obvious i didnt pan fry them long enough...that and i got a 56% on my first a-level bio quiz. FOR THE SYLLABUS THAT I'M REPEATING. ugh...

Oh! On a lighter note, did anyone listen to Doudemoiiyo yet? It's shocking getting a new Golden Bomber song out of nowhere. It was a usual ballad. Definitely reminded me of Kataomoi de ii...i like it. It's a solid song but i dont usually listen to ballads because i'm shallow and im just here for the v-kei and not the sad stuff but i do enjoy it. I think its another proof of Kirisho's love for lyricism and whatnot (picks my nose with my finger) 

I hope no one still hates me over that dumb Gackt tweet.

Expect a better ketsuba post tomorrow.

Yes i did steal the title from Yutaka Kyan's 2022 birthday uniform

Bye!

~Cat

~~~

I feel like, realistically, if i were to update this blog, every single day, sharing nothing but my unfiltered thoughts that pop up in my mind as soon as i open the text editor, all i'd do, every single time, is just complain non-stop. That's something that usually stops me from updating this thing more often and i dont know how to feel about that ;_; I have a lot of thoughts, but its not that they're worthy of sharing all the time; and it feels like a kind of obstacle because this blog is both open to everyone and kinda closed off at the same time. I don't want every single post, back to back, to just be me complaining non-stop, and that's usually why posts get scarce at times. Sorry!

Recently ive been noticing myself kind of...NOT wanting to listen to golden bomber? The thought of it makes me a bit sad but also not sad? Its a bit complicated. It feels like listening to their music doesn't really do anything for me anymore lol...is it depressive? Is it just bitchy me? It's a mystery...I wanna buy tons of their merch regardless though

Recently, something a bit interesting happened :T my mom wanted me to buy this burgundy bag, i told her i didnt like it, she was like well too bad! So i have no choice but to take this slightly ugly burgundy bag. I think i actually kinda like it though. I can't really argue, but recently it feels like everyone's testing my patience =_= and by everyone i mostly just mean my parents but they still love me regardless so complaining isn't really the way to go

Because of that ive mostly just been thinking, why do i always have to change myself for the convenience of others? Will anyone ever accept me for who i truly am as a person? Do i have to listen to my mom? Should i just die? Lots of deep questions...but it's ok. I think ill get over it ;_;

I've had this draft for a while so i'll just add a final update. Today my brain fog was worse and i tweeted something about how Gackt probably has to push his dog's eyes in sometimes (BECAUSE THEY LOOK INCREDIBLY OVERBRED) and i thought it was funny but the gackt fan account with 2k followers that has their mutuals on my ass doesn't...so now random vkei twitter people hate me...i think it's divine retribution. 

I wanna die...(looks up at the sky in questioning and regret) Now i know to never speak ill of GACKT

Bye!

~Cat

i can not live without you love no more~

hiiii! 

blah blah blah inactivity. i have exams ok...cut me some slack!

that and also i finished another amv ^^~~~lol

honestly, im soooooo obsessed with this song. im not too well versed in suju nowadays but god i love love love f(x) and ive been listening to them more lately (i really love milk and glitter...). this is probably one of my favorites when it comes to sulli's vocals, at least in a song that isn't an f(x) or solo song but her vocals overall, regardless of whether it's a solo or not, are just really really beautiful. and then there's heechul like THINK ABOUT ME AS A SHOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 like Okay man

ughhh...ive been studying more and yet...i dont know what to expect...ive had such bad luck with physics, all the papers have been so bad...chem was fine, im not even gonna bring up math...it was a whole other level of bad...

i think, maybe, if i shut up and study, everything will be ok...good night!

i made a picmix account today too lol~~~its ohkinbakupick if u want it for whatever reason

~Cat

cookin something up.....in the kitchen...the windows movie maker kitchen

helloooooo!

it is currently.....

..........1 am

i wanna go to bed but im blogging instead. typical...

i have an exam tomorrow. i hope the questions arent stupid. i need a good mark I CANT FUCK THIS UP! logging onto here i saw a comment from a friend who just left the internet and i dont think we left on good terms so i miss her...man

that and also...i'm working on somethinggggg 

good night ^~^

~Cat